The Curse is Broken

For the first time in a long while, I wrote today's post early in the day.  Problem was, it was based on the past.  And as the day has  progressed, I have realized that the past, while valid as a past, isn't accurate any more.  Maybe it's a fluke, or maybe it's the effects of an odd year, but suddenly I'm not hating New Year's Eve the way I have every year since I was a child.

After decades of seeing New Year's either as the end of vacation or as a reminder of countless things undone or of too many challenges ahead, this year, when so many things would fall into those categories, I am oddly calm.  A year ago today, I worked my last day at One Life to Live, checking the final few shows that would air in January. As the clock struck twelve that night, I entered a year that would be full of ups and downs, and a year later, I'm not sure if I'm up or down. But New Year's isn't the moment that will decide things.  It's a night when I buy festive dinner foods I'd usually veto.  It's a night when my kids don't have to argue to stay up till midnight.  It's a night when I can watch a great concert from Lincoln Center while sitting on my couch in my PJs, and read assorted reflective messages from my friends on Facebook.

After a year of constantly reworking my expectations, New Year's no longer feels like a 24-hour reminder of expectations not met.  It's just another day.

So, drop the ball folks (and quickly, before I fall asleep!!). The New Year's curse is broken.  Happy New Year to all, and to all, a great 2013.

Kiss Today Goodbye?

Despite the direction that this blog sometimes takes, I am normally not a person who lives in the past. I tend to be more comfortable barreling ahead to the next thing, neither resting on my successes nor stewing in my failures (okay, I do stew sometimes, but I'm working on it).

Today, however, I got an email from a friend I met many years ago, in an organization that was central to my life then, but isn't now.  She reads my blog, both as a friend from my past and as a like-minded person in the present, and her interest reminds me that, while it might not be so healthy to take up residence in the past, it's actually not such a terrible thing to appreciate the places you came from and the people who were there with you.  Those experiences, long ago as they may have been, buried as they might be in our current memory, can't help but inform our choices now.  Whether it's family, or school, or charity work, or paid employment, our history--perhaps more so than the list of accomplishments we toss around on a daily basis--makes us the people we are now.

So while I spent much of today working out a post "pointing me toward tomorrow," my friend's email turned me around. Looking ahead doesn't have to mean forgetting what's behind.  I may be pointing toward tomorrow, but I'll make sure not to forget or regret today, or all of my yesterdays.  Or the things back then that "I did for love."

Saturday on a Schedule

Very often, weekends and vacations mean long stretches of unstructured time, days that seem long at first, then finish quickly.  Sometimes that's okay, but on this, the last day with her relatives, my daughter decided that there was too much to do just to let the day go by.  So last night, as the rest of us got ready for bed, she crafted a schedule, a fifteen-item schedule, to guide not just her own time today, but all of ours. Number one on the list--waking up significantly earlier than she EVER would on a non-school day.  We spent the day being either ahead of or behind the schedule, but, by golly, as I look at it now, I see that we checked off every box.  Every one.
 
I have been known to make to-do lists for my days--at least once in a while on paper and not just in my head.  I spent several years as a PA helping directors schedule shooting days and part of a year scheduling production weeks as a producer.  I know first-hand that more gets done when there is written evidence that more is supposed to get done.  But sometimes it takes a child to remind us grownups that a piece of paper makes us accountable.  We did everything we wanted to do today (and actually had time to spare for a few non-list items) because my daughter made a schedule and committed to following it.  I don't know that we will wake up quite so early on the kids' last few vacation days, but perhaps a schedule will ensure that those days don't just fly by.
 
And you'd better believe I'll be taking my daughter's schedule solution so I can start catching up the minute they go back to school!

Year End Evaluation: Completing the File

About a week ago, I wrote that I was beginning a year end evaluation, and promised that results would follow.  So, today, the last day of many people's work year, the results for my file...

1. Has the work that I've done this year made me feel competent and challenged?  In an odd way, yes.  Though the freelance assignments have been farther apart than I'd have liked, I came out of them more savvy about music and sound editing, more comfortable about walking into new situations, and more confident about technical troubleshooting in the absence of a tech support person.  And in between the freelance assignments, I wrote children's stories, a daily blog, and more zingy cover letters than I can count.
 
2. Is what I'm working on giving me satisfaction about what I'm putting out into the world?  Well, I went into the year believing that I would be producing content for children, and, with the exception of the children's books in progress and the notes to teachers that I have written for my own kids, that has not happened quite the way I'd pictured.  I can say, though, that I have been very satisfied with my participation in the Children's Media Association (CMA), so perhaps this goal is just a longer term one than originally anticipated.  As for the rest of what I've done, I have tried to put my own stamp on assorted editing projects.  Oh, and I'm very satisfied with doing a daily blog.
 
3. Interesting interactions with interesting people?  I would have said that this was an area that needed work.  After all, there have been many days of sitting at home or in an edit room, interacting with not much of anybody, interesting or not.  When, however, I consult my appointment calendar from the year, the written record says different.  I attended numerous CMA events and followed up with coffees and lunches with members.  I reached out to people whose work I'd heard about for years and got to hear about their careers first hand.  And I made new friends who had absolutely nothing to do with my career.
 
4. Is it working for my family? Financially, not so great, but logistically, it's pretty nice to be able to drop off and pick up my kids, to be home for deliveries and workmen.  And otherwise?  That depends on the day.  To be determined at the next evaluation.
 
5. Would I do something (or many somethings) differently?  I can't deny that I'd like more of a structure, with a few more "knowns" and a few less "unknowns."  I would, perhaps, branch out in my search, considering the idea that my next thing might not be in television.  And I would try to focus more on learning and less on searching.  And try to be a bit more satisfied with how things are, even if there are a lot of pieces I haven't yet gotten right.
 
Conclusions of 2012 Year End Evaluation:
 
1.  While employee was lacking in generating funds, she gained new skills and contacts.
2. While employee fell short of a complete transition to children's media, she made significant steps and should continue to do so.
3. Employee should continue to work on learning while maintaining the strong relationships she has developed over the year.
4. Employee should aim for an open-minded approach to new projects, rather than concentrating only on tasks relating to her past experience.
 
Overall, a solid evaluation--things to work on, but significant progress and growth made over the year.  File complete until 2013.
 
Signed,
Me

But (S)he Was Always Curious

I have loved Curious George since I was a child.  Not only was he a cute little character (which goes a long way!), he always had to figure things out, to follow his curiosity, even when it got him into crazy situations.

Practically every day this year has been a new "Georgish" adventure for me.  Instead of heading off, almost on auto-pilot, to a job I knew inside and out, I have watched my husband and kids go off to face the world (as the Man with the Yellow Hat always did), while my own day was often still to be determined.  Would there be a networking coffee that left me scrambling to meet the school bus on time?  Would the day include buying groceries to attempt a never before made recipe?  Though I rarely got myself into jams quite like George's, I was not usually satisfied to sit back and just enjoy the home and family time that I suddenly had after so many years of full-time work.  I had to be moving ahead, always, like George, exploring the next thing.  Would I write a children's book?  Would I get enough equipment and training to be a full-time at-home editor?  Would I learn enough about accounting to run the business end of things?  Every day has been full of questioning (some good, some bad) and curiosity, like George's.

When I started reading Curious George books to my children, I always changed the words "too curious," to just "curious," so that they would never think curiosity was a bad thing.  Yes, George's curiosity got him broken legs and swallowed puzzle pieces, but it also got him adventures in animal shows and the chance to make sad children happy.  And, while my exploration has led to some dead ends, some disappointments, and some jobs that started and ended, I can't think of my curiosity as a bad thing.  It has enabled me to meet new people.  It has given me a window into lots of different areas, and it has given me (as a friend reminded me today) the opportunity to learn about myself and spend time with my family.

So, with George by my side, I will try to remain very curious, even when it hurts, and hopefully, even when I have less time for curiosity.  I would never have let my children think that curiosity was a bad thing, and I'd better not let myself think so either.

Jobs, Jobs For Sale, Fifty Cents a Job

It seems that, little by little, my job search/freelance year has taken on properties of a variety of children's books. Perhaps that's a function of my few years exploring children's media. More likely, it means there are a lot of life lessons we grown-ups can get from kids' books.
 
My son loves this one about the peddler, the caps, and the monkeys.  And who wouldn't?  A chance to see monkeys, almost like children, poke fun at a grown-up--it's great!
 
But as we were revisiting the book this week, the man with the caps kind of reminded me of the job search sites I've come upon this past year--he has all these caps on his head, and he's shouting to the world about selling them, but does he ever really sell any?  And if he does, will the 50 cents really do anything for him?  There are lists and lists of jobs out there, but do they ever really get filled?  And are people really looking to find skilled labor--with a skill set that could take years to build--for 10 dollars an hour?
 
A lot of people at all levels are unemployed, I get it.  But when I see kids finishing college and finding a world where they can make more by continuing their college babysitting jobs than by finding work in the field they studied, I worry.  What are we teaching our kids when we stress how important college is to their futures, then make it nearly impossible to find a liveable future once they are out?  Jobs, jobs for sale--we are led to believe they are out there, but only if we knock on just the right virtual door, saying just the right keywords, AND we are willing to work for less than what we pay our babysitters, who keep babysitting because they have a hard time finding work that pays more.  We might as well be peddlers with heads piled high with caps.  Our balancing act is just as hard, and his overhead (pun intended) is a lot less. Even if he does have to deal with a lot of monkeys.
 
And, speaking of monkeys, tomorrow, a few words about a little guy named George and where a bit of curiosity can get you.

It Goes Without Saying

A number of years ago, my then Executive Producer was interviewed about the directing team on One Life to Live.  I distinctly remember him talking about how, when you had a directing team that worked together regularly, there became a shorthand, so that the process could happen without saying all the words.  The Stage Managers and ADs could anticipate the Director's needs, and the ADs, PAs, and Stage Managers could work together so well, they could get the job done almost seamlessly.

Today, with my family, I've been reminded how empowering that can be.  It's been a day of not doing that much--just going through old clothes, books, and papers, sharing meals--but there has been that same feeling of finishing each other's thoughts, knowing which stories from our shared past will make us all laugh.  There really is nothing quite like a group knowing each other that way.  For me, it has actually allowed me to relax a little from my job search stress.  After all, while scouring the Internet and networking and writing multiple cover letters may be stressful, even wearying, it is the absence of that team, that shorthand among colleagues that is even more wearying.

When I was with my "team" in the midst of production, we knew we could get it done if we stuck together.  As a freelancer, I am on my own, so whatever "team" I assemble is defined not necessarily by job titles, but by my ability to reach out to like-minded people.  While someday this may change, for now, I'm just grateful for family filling the gap.  Because sometimes it's easy to say all the words.  And sometimes I hope some things can go without saying.