Vacation Parenting

I thought it was challenging to parent during the school year--alarms to set, sleep deprivation (mine and theirs), homework to be done, schedules to be followed, and always somewhere to run.

I am finding that parenting during vacation can have its own challenges. While the relative absence of alarms and the resulting lack of sleep deprivation might be glorious things, not to be underestimated, I think I miscalculated a bit the value of all the other things that go with the school year, like...

1. A calendar or planner book that actually tells you what needs to be done each day. It's a bit strict, I know, but it does help with the "Mom, I don't have to do that," to be able to point to a page in a book that says, "Oh, yes, you do."

2. Partners in crime, or rather, in parenting. The words of a teacher or a coach or an anybody other than a parent can go a long way in motivating a child.  Vacation days might provide family togetherness, but they often eliminate those valuable partners, leaving you out there to go it alone.

3. Built-in activities. How many times have you heard from a kid on vacation, "Mom, I'm bored!"? School week activity schedules might leave you cross-eyed over who should be exactly where exactly when (and how the heck they should get there), but they are what they say--activities--filling, and filling well, hours of what could be "Mom, I'm bored!" time so that you don't have to.

Think I'm ready for the kids to go back to school? On the contrary, I'm actually enjoying the time, challenges and all. I'm learning that sometimes, I don't need a teacher to help me say "do your work." My kids and I are all learning to plan time without a planner (and to accept when not planning leaves things not quite done). And I am learning to stand up for what I want to happen, independent of where we HAVE to be and what we HAVE to do.

Soon we will be back to facing our normal, everyday challenges--getting up too early and working too late, combining school and job and the expectations of too many people--but with the help of all those tools not around over vacation. I guess parenting is a challenge, no matter when it is. But I'm working on it...

With A Little Help

Have you still ice skated if you went around and around with the help of a walker-ish sled-ish thing that keeps you balanced?

Have you still cooked a gourmet meal if your chopping and measuring was followed by someone else's stirring and serving?

Have you still served your community if you made meal packages just once, not every month, or given a homeless person some food from your bag just once, not every time you were asked?

Have you still helped a friend if all you could offer was a kind email rather than a hug or a cup of coffee?

Have you still accomplished getting a job if the job is just temporary or if you got it because of who you know or if it's not the job you imagined you'd have?

Have you made the right choices if you still need help answering some of the hard questions?

Have you made the right decisions if you're still seeking advice about the next set of decisions?

Have you done right by your children if they still ask questions that other people can answer better than you?

I would venture to say that the answer in all these cases is "yes." Just as finding a job with help is still finding a job, skating with help, cooking with help, and raising your kids with help are all still real. Getting help doesn't lessen an accomplishment. It simply reminds us that accepting help, whether of the mechanical or personal variety, is a show of determination, not one of weakness, a show of ingenuity, not one of dependence.

Today, I was glad that I had the walker-ish sled-ish thing to help me on the ice. It turned what could have been a five-minute painful event into an hour-long demonstration (at least to myself) of what I could do. I am glad to have had the friends who helped me get jobs and the co-chefs who help make dinner happen. I'm glad to admit that a little help, well, helps. And it makes being out there on the ice of life just a little more secure.

Running To, Running From, Standing Still

It is almost a new year, and I am finding myself more at peace with that than I have been in a number of years. I am not living in uncertainty, as I was the year my time at ABC was ending. I am not living in guarded excitement, as I was the year One Life to Live online suddenly became a possibility. I am not living in desperation, as I was when job prospects were looking bleak, or even in uneasy anticipation of going back to long hours of production, as I was when I had worked in the same place for years. This year, I find myself  feeling "on vacation" from it all.

Perhaps it is a good moment in my career--working, but not always obsessed, money coming in, even if sometimes not enough, learning each day, but not paranoid about not learning enough. Maybe, however, it is something different--something in me that the last few years have changed. After time spent too caught up in what needed to be done to stop and enjoy what I was doing, maybe things have changed. This year, I feel here when I am here, not five steps toward somewhere else. This year, I feel sensible without feeling over-cautious. I feel forward-thinking without feeling always behind.

Obviously, I am grateful that certain parts of the last few years are behind me, even if they have delivered me to where I am now. But this year, I am just as grateful for for being delivered to a new mindset, one in which I can pause from looking back and ahead, and simply enjoy now. There will be new challenges in the new year, whether that year brings new experiences, or more of the same. But for today, I am just walking in the now. And saving the running to and running from for later.

Taking Chances

We went to a new restaurant tonight. Totally not blogworthy--except when you consider the fact that we rarely do it. With multiple family units needing to agree on things like food, it's not easy to choose a place to eat, so once we've found things that work, well, we just don't take chances. Particularly with limited vacation time, we wouldn't want to mess things up.

There was negotiation--would this replace our old favorites? Would it have good choices for everyone's tastes, or would some people be miserable and others happy? Was it well-described and well-reviewed? Was it worth the risk? Is anything new really worth the risk?

It's not easy to take chances, especially when the chances feel far more important than where to go for dinner. We'd like to have all the answers up front, but we can't. We'd like to know that the risk taken will produce success, and that our lives will be somehow richer for it. We'd like to know that our daring will make us heroes. And most of the time, we can't know any of these things. Chances are just that--chances. The results might be good, but we don't know that. We might be opening up new paths and opportunities, but we can't be sure of that. So most of the time, we just have to take the chance, and cross our fingers for the results.

We took a chance on a new restaurant tonight, and I believe it was a success. When it comes to bigger chances, will we take the risk? When there's a chance for something better, something different, it's often worth it, but you just don't know. It's up to you whether to find out. That is, if you're willing to take the chance.

Almost Like Home. But Not Quite

I set an early alarm, almost like at home, but didn't have to face elevators or public transportation.

I woke up my kids, almost like at home, but didn't have to try to see them in the dark of 6am or make sure they left the house in time and with backpacks of everything.

I tried to get a lot done, almost like at home, but was okay about it when there were still things left on the list at the end of the day.

I spent time with my children, almost like at home, but the time was spent playing games and talking things over, not arguing about homework and cleanup and getting things done.

I talked about my work, almost like at home, but for the purpose of catching people up, not for the purpose of making change.

I watched my kids work through stuff, almost like at home, but not stuff with school friends, stuff with each other.

We don't change who we are when we leave home, but we do get to experience a little something different. Almost like home, but not quite.

Yahtzee!

We arrived at our vacation destination today--not a resort or tourist spot, just the home of out of town relatives, and before I knew it, we were in the middle of an intensely strategic game of Yahtzee. (Okay, perhaps there's not so much strategy to Yahtzee, but go with me here). We rarely play group "board" games at home (despite having closets overflowing with countless ones accumulated over the years). In our "free" time, we are cleaning or "screening," or doing assorted other presumably important and amusing things. But rarely board games.

Perhaps sometimes that's what vacation is all about--not fancy trips and fascinating places, but enough of a change in scenery to free you from daily patterns. Maybe it's about sleeping later, or talking more. Eating foods you'd never think to make, or trying a craft you never did before. Or playing Yahtzee for hours, without feeling pulled away by emails that need to be sent and clutter that needs to be cleaned.

There will, I'm sure, be days when we look for the excitement of sightseeing tours, gourmet buffets, and fancy shows. For now, however, just a break from daily patterns is more than enough. That, and a few more games of Yahtzee.

Holiday Illusions

I spent the day relatively unaware of Christmas Eve--well, except for the pre-taped segments and the videos for "news" stories about Santa Claus. The streets seemed no more or less crowded. The people seemed no more or less dressed for a holiday. I edited the news as on any other day. As I walked home, the bouncers were still outside the bars, the streets were still full of people, the stores--well, at least some of them--were still open. I guess that's Christmas Eve in the city.
 
Now, I suppose what I saw as normalcy was not quite that. I'm sure that many of the stores and restaurants were actually NOT open. I imagine that many of the people at my work were heading straight to Christmas Eve festivities. I'm sure that at least some of the people on the street were on their way to or from holiday events, not just home from work. I know that instead of doing homework, my kids were enjoying their first day of holiday break. I remember that I am just about ready to have a little break myself, courtesy of this holiday season.
 
And I am realizing today, as I do every day, that sometimes what you see on the surface is not quite the whole picture. Sometimes, what's underneath, and behind, and real can a whole lot better. So it's important to keep looking.
 
Happy Holidays.