Saturday, October 7, 2017

Back

In a time that seems a hundred years ago, I returned to One Life to Live after having been gone. This was long before OLTL left ABC. I had left--okay, I had been fired. Yet, through a fair amount of luck and a great deal of kindness from people with whom I'd worked, I spent the time away discovering wonderful new opportunities, and acquiring a myriad of new skills. I worked on a sitcom, I made and distributed an educational video, I co-wrote a spec script and pitched to head writers, I started having children.

And then, sooner than I could have imagined when it all started, I went back to One Life to Live. It was the same place--but it was very different. I was the same person--but I, too, was very different. There were years upon which I might look back, but mostly, I spent my time looking forward--using what I'd learned in my time away to do the same job better. Using my memories of the cold world of unemployment to remind myself, and the people around me, just how lucky we were to be employed, and challenged, and united, even on the hard days. I went back, and I moved forward. It was a place full of memories and attachments for me. But, in going back, I didn't simply reconnect to those memories and attachments. I allowed a place where I had made them help me be not just employed, but stronger, and smarter, and better.

All those years ago, I could have chosen not to go back. I could have decided that "back" was the wrong direction, that having moved on, I should only be going forward. Had I made that choice, I might have worked on bigger projects and more varied endeavors. Or I might have spent days unemployed and hours insecure. And I wouldn't have experienced both the years of soap days and the camaraderie that came with the end of those soap days.

Sometimes, "back" isn't all about "backward." Sometimes going what feels like "back" is actually just our way of moving forward. 

So, as I write this, am I back? I can't say for sure. Because even if I'm back, I'm too busy looking forward to be sure what "back" really means. But, hey, I've gotten pretty good at going forward. And I've kind of missed being here. And I'm still not washed up yet. So, at least for now, I guess I'm back...

No comments:

Post a Comment