Saturday, October 3, 2015

Going Somewhere?

If you are always worried about where you're not, you will never really be anywhere.

If you are not willing to change your plans, you'll have a hard time changing your outcomes.

If you are always afraid of trying things that are new, you will soon find yourself overwhelmed by things that are old.

If you are nervous about saying "yes," you will find yourself up against a lot of "no."

If you are too quick to say "yes," you may quickly find yourself screaming "no!"

If you are happy where you are right now, you can still be happy in the next place you go.

If you are always looking backward, you are likely to trip over what's ahead.

If you are too quick to judge where you are or regret where you've been, you'll never, ever really go anywhere...

Friday, October 2, 2015

I Can't Help It Sometimes

I can't help it--sometimes I just want to watch baseball.

I can't help it--sometimes I just want to take a nap.

I can't help it--sometimes I just want to look back at the great times from the past.

I can't help it--sometimes I just want to look past now to the future.

I can't help it--sometimes I just want to yell "stop!" or "no!" or "quiet!"

I can't help it--sometimes I just want to believe things that have no right to be believed.

I can't help it--sometimes I just want to trust people who may not be worth my trust.

I can't help it--sometimes I just want to do more than is expected.

I can't help it--sometimes I just want to get by with less.

I can't help it--sometimes I just want to ignore my best interests.

I can't help it--sometimes I just want to look out only for my best interests.

I can't help it sometimes...but I guess sometimes, none of us can...

Thursday, October 1, 2015

The Voices In My Head

From time to time, I find myself hearing the words of wisdom I've acquired over half a lifetime in television...

Sometimes it's less about how well you do your job and more about whether people want to spend a long day in the control room with you.

Pay attention as you're moving up. At each new step or higher salary level, it will become harder to turn back.

Editing isn't about mastering the equipment. It's about being able to use the equipment to tell the story you want to tell.

You've got to look out for you. You can't always count on other people to do it.

Show business is still business. Don't get too wrapped up in the show to remember that.

Though people will try to tell you otherwise, a person who has worked in soaps really can work in news, and sitcom, and reality, and...

Shows get cancelled, shows get changed. Life goes on...

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

A Not So Delicate Balance

I emerge from the fog of late night work, a little sleep under my belt, into a world of pickups and drop offs and parenthood in general. And despite the fact that I probably look a little ghostly, I couldn't be happier. Despite the fact that I can't necessarily form coherent sentences in my conversations with fellow parents and the fact that I don't quite have the energy to play ping pong and video games with my kids, I revel in being part of the family world.

The balance of work and family is an ongoing challenge, not just for me, but for parents like me all over. For how many years have I gone to morning school events, sweating all the while about being late to work? For how many years have I ceded pickup duties to assorted babysitters and had to forgo midday parent events? Today, having worked in the wee morning hours and slept during school, I could be there for the rest of the day. Perhaps I was a bit unbalanced--let's face it, that idea of work/life balance is a myth, no matter what time of day you work. But when the seesaw shifts, even just a little, it feels good to be able to reach out and touch the things that might otherwise have passed you by.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

A Night In The Life of a Freelancer

11:30pm--I have napped wisely. When it is time to leave home for my midnight shift, I am awake. I am ready. Ready for heading out in the dark, ready for the taxi, ready for the night.

12:00am--I have arrived, and while the building may seem empty, I am welcomed by people who remind me it's not. Overnight is not a solitary endeavor. It is a lifestyle that others are clearly more used to than I.

1:00am--Hour one has passed quickly. Perhaps the wise napping has made this workable.

2:00am--Hour two was not quite so quick. But hey, I'm awake and alert. Maybe I really can manage this.

3:00am--Three hours down, but still two till my meal break. The (at least I thought so) caffeinated tea I'm practically inhaling seems to be somewhat lacking in caffeine.

4:00am--I must have blinked, because somehow, it became 4. Well, not really, but considering how long 3 took, 4 felt positively speedy.

5:00am--Meal break. As it doesn't really feel like breakfast time (though at home, I'd be rising and breakfasting right about now), I have a frozen Indian food dinner instead--a little protein, a little eye-opening spice. Perhaps I really am embracing this middle of the night thing (though a little drift off during the break reminds me otherwise). Even an hour "at lunch" is a long hour at this hour.

6:00am--Back from "lunch" and back to work, and what was 8 hours stretching out before me is now only 2. And anybody can do 2, right?

7:00am--The last hour has been full of deadlines, so has flown past. Just one hour left. One look in the ladies' room mirror reminds me my body is not used to this yet.

8:00am--Done, and headed home. The caffeine from the tea is finally kicking in (or is it just the fact that it is now light out?) I have made it, at least for one night.

Just a night in the life of a freelancer...

Monday, September 28, 2015

Big City, Small Town

I found myself at a quintessential New York City event, one that I attended on my own over twenty years ago and that I attend these days with my kids. Along the way, in the crowds of strangers (because that's how quintessential New York City events are), I encountered people from assorted parts of my life here. Despite being a very large place, New York can feel oddly small sometimes.

When I attended the event all those years ago, it was with the thought that I wouldn't be in the city long, so I'd better make the most of it. Now, over twenty years later, still here, it is just one of a number of things that make the city home. It is seeing someone you know just about everywhere. It is deciding to go somewhere and simply hopping a bus or the ankle express to get there. It is feeling a part of something, even when you are just part of a crowd. It is not having to look far to find creativity and art and performance. It is being able to share a twenty-something year old memory with people who are making new memories of their own.

I can't say if I will be a New Yorker forever, but today, it felt a lot like my very big, very small town.

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Night or Day

I walked into my building after a late night of work, and the doorman who has been working nights in my building for more years than I've lived here, whom for years I barely saw, smiled as he opened the door for me. A few weeks ago, when he first saw me arriving home late, the smile was a confused one, and I explained that it was a new job with new hours I'd have to get used to. These days, the smile is a "welcome home, get yourself to sleep" one, and it is one of the best things I see after a late day.

While late night work is new to me, it is clearly not new to him. Overnight has been his shift for years, and I suppose his life is structured around it. He could easily just see my late hours as what people do. But his response, his smile as I'm walking in, reminds me that it's okay for me to be "just getting used to." And the friendly face reminds me that no matter what time you work, you can still come home to the rest of your life. Whether it's night or day.