In Control of the Out of Control

I find myself in a variety of situations these days where I can't change the circumstances--where I have no control over things that matter, just the ability to react or scramble or simply do whatever the situation requires. That's probably true for most of us. There's a lot beyond our control, whether we like it or not.
 
So, how do you maintain a feeling of control in your life, when circumstances try to force you to give up control? A few of my favorite methods...
 
1. Grab on to a project with a beginning and an end. Whether it is a three minute video that needs editing or a kitchen cabinet that needs organizing, you can take on the task knowing that you will see a result, one that you can control, and not five years from now, but today.
 
2. Teach yourself a new skill. There is nothing like taking a little control of your path for counteracting the feeling of having no control over your path.
 
3. Say "yes." Or say "no." You can't always control the circumstances, but you can feel a lot better if you control your reaction to them.
 
4. Focus on what you can change, not on what you can't. There is nothing more debilitating than slamming up against a brick wall over and over. Not only does it give you no visible results (except, perhaps, a whole lot of bruises), it saps the energy you could be using to create or to learn or to move on.
 
5. Remind yourself to control the things you can--the dinner you put on your table, even when you can't control who shows up and eats, the fiscal choices you make, even when you can't control the flow of the finances, the actions you take to make things clearer, cleaner, and more organized, even when you can't control much of the chaos that surrounds you.
 
I accept (well, at least some days) that there are things--many of them--beyond my control. These days, I'm focusing on what I can control. And if I focus hard, it turns out I'm a lot more in control than I thought.

Work That's Not Work

Today, in among piecing together b-roll clips for the news and business shows on which I work, I edited a two-minute package about Leonard Nimoy. For close to two hours, the world buzzing around me virtually disappeared, as I worked to piece our limited available clips and pictures together into a worthy tribute.

Now, I am not, and have never been, a Trekkie. But ever since my high school history teacher, who most certainly was a Trekkie, incorporated Star Trek into a number of his lectures, Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner have been on my radar. As I might have felt with the obituary of any accomplished person, I had the very clear feeling that if I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. While there is always a rush to create something for immediate air, I was determined that this was a rush that I would control. I could be aware of the time, but not to the point of slapping something together, just so I could move on to something else. If I was going to do this, I would do it justice.

When I was done, and the piece aired just twenty minutes later, I understood for a moment the idea of work not being work if you enjoy what you are doing. Sure, a job and a paycheck matter--a lot. But for those few hours, I forgot about the job and the paycheck, and simply focused on the work. And as I emerged, and moments later, saw my "work" as others were seeing it, I couldn't help but be grateful. Because once in a while, we get the opportunity to do work that doesn't feel like work. And once in a while, that feels as good as a paycheck in our hands.

Just Keep Looking

Did your mother ever tell you "just keep looking" or threaten "if I find it first..."? At my house, it's usually "let's clean up, and then we'll find it." There may be things that simply disappear off the face of the earth (or into the depths of the vacuum cleaner), but many things actually are findable. It just takes a little belief and a lot of persistence.
 
And thus went my day today. I needed a "beep" sound effect, and after some searching, I found one. I needed an transition effect I had never used before, and I explored assorted options until I found one. I needed to tell a story, and after typing enough different key phrases, I found my words and pictures.
 
We do a lot of searching in our lives. Whether it's finding a lost earring or sock in a chaotic apartment, the best school for our child, the right job (or the place that will hire us) or the best living space, we are always looking, sometimes to the point that we just want to give up, and settle for what's already found. What I learned a little today is that when you keep searching, you often do find exactly what you're looking for, and maybe even a little more. So, while it's not always possible to belabor our searches (we can always wear a different pair of earrings if we can't find the lost ones), it can be very satisfying to hang in long enough to find just the right thing.
 
There are times when I feel as though being on job searches has really primed me for looking in general. The job market doesn't make for easy finds, and success often requires a rare degree of persistence, and a huge amount of belief. But if we are willing to keep at it, sometimes the search pays off--in an interesting job, and perhaps in some self-discovery along the way.
 
So, wear different earrings or mismatched socks if you need to give up searching for the missing ones. As for everything else, perhaps Mom was right--just keep looking. You might find what you're looking for, and even a little bit more.

Beating The Clock

I am a deadline driven person. While I am fairly diligent in general, there is something about a due date on the calendar or a follow-up email that pulls it together for me. The tricky thing is, all of the dates and emails tend to come at the same time, meaning that almost all the time, I am faced with a finite amount of time to accomplish a seemingly infinite pile of projects.

So, how do you find more time in your time and generate more results than seem actually possible? Believe me, I am no expert, but I've learned a few things...

1. Blast through the easy stuff early, and quickly. When you're up against a deadline, there's no room for the little stuff, whether that's emptying the dishwasher or taking a shower or answering emails.

2. Trust your alarm clock. It may not seem like your friend when it wakes you in the dark, but it is your best ally in finding more time in your days.

3. Accept that there will be pain. Giving up doing what you want may be no fun, but finishing what you need to because you gave up a little here and there is well worth it.

4. Focus. Focus harder. Shut out the world. Not easy, especially when, believe me, the world is quite eager to join you. It won't be forever, and the world will still be there when you're done. Really, it will.

5. If you need an extension, ask for one. I can't tell you how many times I've raced, only to find out that I could have had a few extra days. You're rarely the only one with a busy schedule. Use that fact when you need to.

6. Do your best, and then let it go. Belaboring one deadline project will just put you up against the deadline for the next. As I used to announce when I AD'd, "moving on."

Hard as I've tried, I have never succeeded in stopping time to give myself more wiggle room to "do it all." The key to meeting deadlines is not changing time. It's simply changing your relationship with time--in other words, beating the clock.

It Makes A Difference

It makes a difference when people see past their own challenges to yours.
 
It makes a difference when someone says "thank you"--in an email, with a gesture, or out loud.
 
It makes a difference when someone appreciates what you've done--right away, or months later.
 
It makes a difference when someone remembers--a birthday, a favorite food, your greatest fear.
 
It makes a difference when someone gives you space--but not too much.
 
It makes a difference when someone gives you a hand--when you know you need it, and when you don't.
 
It makes a difference when people offer--their time, their expertise, their compassion.
 
It makes a difference when you have an answer--even when the answer is "I don't know."
 
It makes a difference when you play a role--no matter how small.
 
It makes a difference when people clap for you--loudly, quietly, or in a way only you can hear.
 
It makes a difference when you realize how many people make a difference in your life--each and every day.

You Must Be A Good Parent

It is remarkably easy to feel as though you are less than adequate as a parent on a daily basis. It is, therefore, important to remind yourself that you are probably a better parent than you think...

If you work too many hours, but still find the minutes to check homework or discuss an English essay or laugh at a sentence in a book your child is reading, you must be a good parent.

If you say "no" too much, but say "yes" when it really matters, you must be a good parent.

If you make fish, hoping your kids will eat it, but make side dishes, knowing that even you don't like everything all the time, you must be a good parent.

If you say "yes" too much, but say "no" when it really matters, you must be a good parent.

If your calendar is full, but the days include both your own meetings and your children's tests and events, you must be a good parent.

If you have no time to go anywhere, but make time to be everywhere, you must be a good parent.

If you protect your kids as much as you can from the really rotten stuff, but teach them about the rotten stuff they need to know, you must be a good parent.

If you yell at your kids to practice, but then listen to them and recognize the difference the practice has made, you must be a good parent.

If your kids love every marshmallow treat you've ever introduced them to, but they love Brussels sprouts too, you must be a good parent.

See? You're probably a better parent than you think. Not so hard, was it?

Counting On

Over the years, I have watched my kids learn a variety of math strategies, most of which bear no resemblance to how I learned math. If they work, I'm all for them. Really, I am.
 
Among these has been "counting on," which essentially has the student figure out an addition or subtraction problem by simply following the counting pattern. It works, it makes sense, and it is kind of comforting, because it lets you use what you already know to solve a problem you've never seen. It's just not the most efficient strategy when you have a lot of problems to do.
 
Most of us practice "counting on" each day. Though we may not be using this strategy to add or subtract, we are planning our lives with it. If something was a certain way yesterday or last month or last summer, we "count on" it being that way today, tomorrow, or next summer. If a method worked for us last time, we "count on" it to work this time as well.
 
The problem is, just as "counting on" is not necessarily an efficient math strategy, it turns out not to be a consistently efficient life strategy either. While there may be nothing wrong with using past experiences to predict future ones, life (unlike addition) tends to change. So if we "count on," assuming circumstances we know, we may come to the wrong conclusions when circumstances have changed.
 
So, it appears that in life, as in math, it is important to have more than one strategy. If you rely only on what you "count on," you will often be confused and disappointed. Sometimes, it takes looking at a problem in a new way, not just the way you know, to find its solution. And sometimes, it is only when we move past the security and comfort of "counting on" that we can really add to our experience, and move ahead.