Happy Endings

As I watched the final performance of the show my daughter has been rehearsing for weeks (and this past week, for many hours daily), I couldn't help but think ahead to all the things that would now happen, since the time spent in rehearsals, and in transportation to and from rehearsals, would now be free time. In a busy life, there are rarely endings, happy or otherwise. There are simply events that punctuate the weeks, that make us pause for a moment, or celebrate for a few days. They are not endings. When they end, we simply move on to the next thing. Sometimes, that "next thing" is equally satisfying, sometimes not, but regardless, we move on, no real endings, just a series of new beginnings.
 
When the show was over, I hugged her and gave her a congratulations gift card (my answer to bouquets of flowers that die in a day). And we headed home so that she could do her homework, because homework, it seems, doesn't ever end.
 
Perhaps I am cheating life by zooming past the endings.
 
Or perhaps I am just lucky that each ending seems to be simply a step toward the next beginning.

Associated Costs

A few weeks ago, my daughter and I heard a casting director speak. She talked about auditions and preparation, and all the things you would expect a casting director to know. She also talked about the real costs associated with being an actor. Or the parent of an actor. There are headshots and classes and tickets to shows your kids are in and travel to auditions-- the list goes on.
 
I am learning more each day that not just acting has associated costs.
 
For every job you take, there is the associated cost of child care (not to mention the cabs to race home to relieve the child care when you work extra hours). There are also the costs of events missed, time and energy stretched, and takeout meals when you have no interest in cooking at the end of a long work day.
 
When your children play on sports teams, you know there will be the associated costs of the league fee (you've gotta have uniforms!) and the necessary equipment. But do you ever think about the buses (if you're running on time) and cabs (if you're not) to get to games and practices? The extra loads of laundry you do when the uniform has to be clean for multiple games each week? The snacks you end up buying at the field for yourself and your child when you realize you brought nothing but the baseball equipment? And the extra child care you might need if the games and practices are at times when the job you take (see above) makes you unavailable to go yourself?
 
When you send your kids to schools that aren't close to home, your children may receive a free Metrocard to get there each day, but you're on your own when it comes to getting to parent events. And whether school is far from home or not, there are the associated costs of supplies, and brownies for bake sales, and fundraisers. That's just how it is.
 
It has become clear to me that acting is not the only thing out there with associated costs. Everything in life pretty much has them, whether the costs are strictly monetary, or whether they are emotional as well. If there are things we want, we have to be willing to pay the price.
 
The question is, what associated costs are you willing to pay? Is your children's acting or playing sports or going to a particular school worth the time and the travel if it makes them happy? Is your work worth the hours away and the taxis and the child care because it clears more than it costs and/or it satisfies you?
 
Every day, we are faced with balancing the associated costs with the value of what we are getting. There are no easy answers, and the balance changes every day. The trick is making sure that at the end of each day (or at least at the end of each week or month), we come out in the black.

Does It Mean You're Doing Too Much If...

You fall asleep before your kids (which would actually imply that they are doing more than you, or that you are doing too little). Hmm...
 
You recycle the takeout containers because you just can't bear to wash any more of them for re-use.
 
You make sure to print out tickets and coupons you'll need during the day--then leave them in the printer when you race out the door.
 
You're really not sure whether the events and actions in your dreams are things that actually happened or not.
 
When you try to go through piles of paperwork, the piles somehow manage to get bigger, rather than smaller.
 
You depend way too often on the newspaper masthead to remind you what day it is.
 
I am happy to report that today, I at least know it is Friday. And that, while I know for sure that I will be doing too much this weekend, at least it is the weekend.
 
And I am grateful.

Test Prep

My son has just completed three days of New York State Tests. He is not alone. Countless kids have done the same thing, and will take more tests in a few weeks. Thankfully, he goes to a school where I believe he has been prepared. While I may not agree with so much time going into test prep, I do agree with a school's giving kids the tools and confidence to succeed, and my son's relatively calm handling of this week suggests to me that they've done a good job with that. We'll see what happens when the scores come out (if I recall correctly, many months from now).
 
Sometimes it seems as though a disproportionately large part of our lives (and our kids' lives) is spent taking tests. Tests to get into kindergarten, tests to assess knowledge and aptitude, tests to move on to any new place you'd like to go. Over the years, my husband has cautioned me countless times to remember that a test says something (we may not be quite sure what!) about our child on one day, while we have known the child day in and day out for years. It is so easy to go along with test scores--to give them the same power in our minds that they have over school choices and opportunities (at least in New York). The hard part is separating out what the tests do say, and what they don't.
 
Does a test score mean that a child is less of a worthy student? Or more of one? Not necessarily. How often have we worked hard in our jobs, only to find that others pass us by for small reasons?
 
Does success on a test mean that the way ahead is clear? For that matter, does lack of success on that test mean that the way is doomed? I would like to think not. The reality is, at least in New York City, test scores are weighed heavily. The other reality is that not all of our best paths in life are the obvious ones, so if the tests take something away, I would like to think they give something--perhaps an opportunity we might not have considered--back as well.
 
I am definitely glad that this round of tests is over, even if I know that the next round is just around the corner. Do I wish the school days could be full of more than preparing for tests? Sure. But for better or for worse, we will always be preparing for one type of test or another. And if we can come out of that prep even a little more ready to see and face what lies ahead, we will be prepped to handle whatever that turns out to be.

Makeover

So you're going about your daily life, making sure your clothes basically match and your hair's basically brushed, and you have ways to get your children to and from every which place they need to go, when suddenly, you are asked to have a makeover. The makeover that maybe you wanted when you were suddenly out of work after twenty-some years and felt old when you read job postings. The makeover that maybe you thought about when your "comfort over style" mindset seemed to catch up with you at parents' gatherings. The makeover that you fantasized about but feared, every time you watched What Not To Wear.
 
Earlier this week, I was asked to be part of a makeover segment on Arise Entertainment 360, the magazine show on the network where I've been editing news footage. "Who, me?" I thought. Better yet, "Why me?"
 
But curiosity won out, and today, I shot the beginnings of what will be a "Spring Makeover" segment, with a big reveal on the show on Tuesday. (You can check it out at Arise.TV on April 8 between 2 and 3pm EST).
 
Over my years in TV, I have been in front of the camera only a handful of times. I was a cow on several of One Life to Live's Halloween shows. I was interviewed on a local news show about my educational video. And that's about it, except if you count cameos on the yearly OLTL Christmas reel.
 
So, today, as I walked into a clothing boutique (multiple takes, but with attitude and on cue each time), tried on clothes (what was more fun--the trying on things I could never afford or the reacting about each one for the camera?), and began to have my hair done, I got a rare glimpse into the other side.
 
Don't worry. I won't be giving up editing or directing or writing for acting. I actually found that I couldn't help but think about how to direct and edit the shots I was part of. The experience, however, was a lovely break from my every day routine. A reminder that it's okay to think out of your box a little. That it's okay to think about changing things sometimes. And that it 's okay to accept an offer, even if you're not sure why it was offered.
 
Check it out--this Tuesday on the Arise.TV show Arise 360. Hey, it might be your only chance to see me on camera. Unless you've got a tape of me in the cow costume.

Editing Rules

I began editing my children's book chapter today. Now that there are clearer "rules" to unite the book, I need to (among other things) make sure that my chapter "follows the rules."
 
As I began the process (which, I can see already, will happen in stolen moments here and there), I realized that I could throw out my whole original idea, pronouncing it too far from the rules, or I could make adjustments, essentially "telling" my character that her journey would now be a bit different, but that I would guide her along the way.
 
As crazy as this sounds, when you are writing a character-based chapter, you are kind of talking to and following your character. Well, at least I was. So, my initial response to the "rules" was that it would be hard to follow them while maintaining my character--more important, that it would be hard for her to exist within the newly minted "rules."
 
The truth is, in life, "rules" change all the time. We--and our children--are constantly having to adjust because the rules have changed. It's not easy. And depending on the personalities of our kids, it sometimes seems impossible. As parents, we might wish we could shield our kids from change or force our kids to fit the rules, but ultimately (often with our help), they make change work for them. Sometimes, they even come out stronger for it.
 
So, I will persist in my editing, and in shepherding my character through the "rules." Who knows? Maybe (as my children often do), she'll teach me a few things along the way. And maybe, when all is said (written, that is) and done, we both (and my chapter) will come out stronger.

Forward March

As I thought about the last day of March, I remembered that it was March of last year when I began traveling to Connecticut for the online soaps. It was a time of so many emotions--excitement about being among friends, comfort in doing things I'd done for years, trepidation about being far (in real time, not just bus time) from my kids, eagerness to prove myself to whole new groups of people, and sheer joy to be not just working, but working as part of something new, and even daring.
 
As we come to the close of this March, I am reminded of how distant that memory is. Of how one adventure is so quickly replaced by others, yet remains a part of our makeup as we move forward. Of how we work with what we are given, and our minds and hearts go along...
 
At the moment, it's hard to imagine a daily trip to a different state. A daily job that often deposits me at home at 2am, only to return a few hours later. A year ago, that trip and those hours were part of the  greatest new adventure--what I called "soap camp."
 
We move on. Another March--a very different March--done. And a new April to come.