Though I knew for months before it ended that my time at ABC's One Life to Live would be over, though I had an eternity to process and to plan and to grieve if I needed, I found that the effects of the ending hit later than expected and lasted longer than expected. Sometimes, I suppose, it's not about the preparation. It's about all sorts of things that we can't see or put our finger on or give a name.
These days, I "let go" a lot easier. It may be that nothing lasts as long as my time at ABC did. It may be that I don't form those kinds of connections any more--after all, I grew up there, and while we may grow for a long time, we really only "grow up"once. Or perhaps it is just a little self-protection kicking in, in the face of things that can change so quickly. It's hard to move on when we expend too much energy letting go.
So, these days, I still invest a lot of myself, but in a different way. I work, and I embrace new challenges, but with the knowledge that things could change tomorrow. I attach, a little, but not so much that the inevitable moving on will feel like tearing away. I believe, but not so much as to risk being blindsided. Letting go is different than it was, because it happens too often to be the same.
I could mourn the change, but I choose to see it as a different kind of "growing up." There's nothing wrong with giving a great deal of ourselves to the jobs we do, but in a world where those jobs can change in an instant, we must also hold on to enough of ourselves to have the strength to move on. Letting go doesn't mean we work or care any less. It simply means we value ourselves just a little more.
I will never repeat the experience I had at One Life to Live. It was a moment--okay, a whole bunch of moments--in time, wrapped up with a life full of changes. I can only hope for new experiences that challenge my spirit and open my eyes, and when the time comes, allow me to let go--and move on.
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