It is Monday, and I am home. I am not out of work, but I'm not working. This is simply the trade off in a work schedule that includes nights and weekends. On a day when the Monday through Friday world is heading back to the weekly routine, I am left with a day off. I talk to friends who are tired returning to work, and I realize that if I want to, I can take a nap today. I reflect on what I didn't do at home while I was working on Saturday, and I realize that if I need to, I can play catch-up on the cleanup today.
And suddenly, I realize that this freelance life I lead sometimes
actually works. I may bemoan working on the weekends instead of during
the week, but come Monday, I have the napping/baking/taking it slow time that my Monday through Friday
friends can't fathom. I may feel strange leaving for work some days at
the time when most people are heading home, but I am present for kid
moments I would otherwise miss. I may have a hard time saying "no" to
work days offered, but I don't have to say "yes" every time.
The truth is, life is full of trade offs. In order to direct at One Life
to Live, I had to manage the stress of not knowing when it would happen
next and whether the producers and actors would like my directing
choices. In order to be part of "soap camp," the shooting of the soaps
for the Internet, I had to manage a long daily train trip and often late
hours. And while my time at ABC was wonderfully stable for a long time, I had to
manage balancing my own expectations with those of producers and crew and staff.
So, on this Monday
when I am home, not out of work but not working, I remind myself that
this is just one of life's trade offs. One that I hope I'll remember when
I'm working my next Saturday night.