Among the songs that plays in our apartment quite often is a Rush selection featuring the lyric, "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." While I could hardly be described as a rock groupie, I do like the message of the song. Sometimes, we think that we have no power to make decisions or we spend so long making our decisions that they end up being made for us. There's nothing wrong with looking at the angles. There's nothing wrong with weighing the risks and advantages, so that ideally, the results of our choices are good ones. But ultimately, whether by action or by inaction, we are making choices every day, choices for which we have to take responsibility.
Over my time at One Life to Live, I watched as various people, both in front of and behind the camera, chose to leave to pursue other options. Some of them were moving on to something specific, others were just leaving because they figured it was time. I couldn't imagine leaving for nowhere in particular, so I stayed, for years. And while every moment might not have been perfect, those years left me with a set of memories and a sack full of experience and contacts to take out into the world. By decision or by not deciding, I determined, at least in part, what my life would be.
It's true, I guess, that when we choose not to decide, we really are choosing after all. Perhaps we give a bit of power to those who seem to make the choice for us, but ultimately, it is our choice that is made. And sometimes, that choice, not made, but made after all, can lead us in some of the most interesting directions.
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