Great Expectations

There is nothing like the anticipation of something big. You lay the groundwork, you imagine the result, and most of all, you allow a feeling of unbridled excitement to fill your body and mind. It was like that when I was directing on One Life to Live, it has been like that when I have approached milestones for my kids, it is like that when I start a new project or take a new trip. And I suppose I have raised my kids to be not so different from myself, because I see them experience the same thing. Expectations can be huge. They give us an excitement that simply trudging through life can't match. They let us imagine and dream. They show us the top, not just the muddy middle. And I am proud that I have shared an ability to have great expectations with my kids.

But I would be kidding myself if I didn't realize that I had also shared with them the result of great expectations--that sometimes, when expectations are great, reality can't possibly keep up. When we allow ourselves to imagine and dream and feel that unbridled excitement, we leave ourselves open to the crashing feeling when expectations are not met. 

It is a hard lesson to learn--how to be both open enough to expect and self-protective enough to insulate ourselves when we have expected too much, to be both attached enough to be excited and detached enough not to be dashed. They are learning, and I guess I am learning right beside them. Because I won't stop having expectations. But maybe someday, I will be better at surviving those great expectations.