Saturday, September 17, 2016

Playing Catch Up

By the end of my time on the soaps, we were taking off whole weeks on a regular basis, as it was a huge money saving measure. We shot numerous extra scenes daily to make this work, but each time we returned from a dark week, there was some feeling of playing catch up--of getting back to that comfortable number of weeks ahead, and of getting back into the swing of many-item days.

These days, my life, whether punctuated by down time or not, feels like a game of catch up. I try to keep myself in the loop of my kids' schoolwork, but there always seems to be a subject or a test that falls through the cracks. I am (knock wood) working and generating income, but much of the time, unexpected expenses eat that up before I know it. I carve out the time to do, to help, to write, but sometimes, there are just not enough hours.

Playing catch up is frustrating. It undermines our feelings of control and accomplishment, and it makes us feel less than ready for situations we face. And yet, just as it was in soaps, we manage to right ourselves and move on. It may take a few extra steps, but we get back to where we need to be. And maybe somewhere in there, playing catch up motivates us to work ahead when we are able.

Playing catch up doesn't feel good. I would rather be on schedule and on top of things every day. But when I play the catch up game, I learn a few more of the rules of getting ahead. When I play the catch up game, I get to roll the dice for my next big chance. So maybe catch up is not so bad at all. Because as long as we're willing to play the game, we might actually come out winners.

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