Sunday, September 11, 2016

Supposed To Be

The days and nights go, often blending one into another. Sleep to prepare for work, work to pay for life, celebrate life to make it all worthwhile. And create and help and clean and enjoy, if there is time.

It works, if there is balance. It works, if there is acceptance of the parts--not just some of them, but all. But sometimes, I wonder, is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Is this who I'm supposed to be?

"Supposed to" is a slippery slope. It delivers us to events we'd rather not have take up our time and has us do things because our neighbors do them. "Supposed to" makes us second-guess our choices. "Supposed to" makes us feel unfit and out of place, and forces us to question our steps and our accomplishments.

So, when I begin to ask myself those "supposed to" questions, I hesitate. There's nothing wrong, you see, with evaluating where we are from time to time. But imposing "supposed to" on every situation tends to have us judge our own circumstances with the standards of others. Going by "supposed to" shakes the balance, so that "what is" can't work.

Am I supposed to be where I am now, doing what I'm doing? I guess that is a question we can always ask ourselves--but only as long as we can see "supposed to be" by our own needs and standards, not just the needs and standards of others, and allow the pieces of "supposed to be" to work together. Am I supposed to be sleeping now? Maybe, if I'm working later. Am I supposed to be cleaning now? Maybe, if there's time before work and after helping with homework. Am I supposed to be creating now? Perhaps that is something for tomorrow.

Who am I supposed to be? It depends on the day. And some days, who I'm supposed to be is just who I am right now.

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