Coloring Outside The Lines

When I have worked full time, the outlines have been clear--what time I needed to leave home, what buses and trains to take, when I needed child care. I could be creative in my work, but most of the time, I was "coloring inside the lines." Even late nights were part of the plan. They might go later than scheduled, but they were accounted for, both in my energy level, and in the life accommodations made for them.

Now that I am freelance, it is becoming hard to stay within those lines. The outlines may draw a pretty picture, but those outlines darken and lighten by the day, making the distinction between inside and outside the lines a fuzzy one. And the picture that I draw for myself, whether in the resumes and letters I write and rewrite, or in the ever-changing daily schedules, can be a masterpiece. Or not.

I used to believe that coloring outside the lines meant a person was more creative. After all, it's not easy to make your own choices rather than work with the outlines made for you. It shows character when you are not constrained by what is pre-drawn. These days, I find myself wondering. While I may like creating my own picture, there are times when I wish that I could just stay within the lines--count on the lines--so that I could know what to expect, how to plan, what my finished picture would look like.

It can be freeing to color outside the lines. I have learned about new colors and new patterns, and new ways to draw a life. But some days, I just long for those clear outlines, ready to color within them. So that, at least for a while, I would know how my picture would turn out.