Ready For My Closeup

Today, as a part of the More Show's Daytime Emmy wrap-up, my fellow editor and I were interviewed about winning the editing Emmy last Friday. Each of us dressed for the occasion (not formal, just a few steps up from "edit room casual.") And each of us brought one of our previous Emmys, large, heavy things, which accompanied us on the NYC to Stamford train ride.
 
Truthfully, I really hadn't given the whole thing a lot of thought (except for the Emmy-schlepping part). Yet, when I saw a small lighting crew arrive, and a cameraman I've worked with setting up to shoot us, and when the audio man had us put on microphones, the whole thing began to make me a little light-headed. Where to look--at the camera or at the producer or at my fellow editor (who was behind me)? What to say and how to say it? To be myself or to be some on-screen persona who might sound a lot better than the real me? I found myself wondering what the framing was showing of me, and thinking about all the times I'd heard a producer say "we're paying for her eyes" when an actor turned away from camera. And, of course, wondering how the things I was saying would translate into the sound bites being used for the show. Clearly, I have not been trained in speaking in sound bites, but I do think my fellow editor and I came across as friendly, intelligent, and very excited about our Emmys. I guess we'll see, when the episode goes up on Hulu this Friday.
 
I never imagined that being "on" in that way could be so exhausting, but I found myself completely drained (and still needing to work AND get the Emmy home!!) afterward. Maybe it's good it wasn't actually a closeup. And maybe it's good that most of the time, I remain firmly on the other side of the camera.