Now that I am working, each day, it seems, I am reminded of how dependent I am upon the loose,
yet complex, structure I have created to handle all of our family's
academic, logistical, and basic needs. And, when one piece of that
structure begins to wobble, I am reminded of how different it was for
those months, almost years, when I was out of work.
Today, I was frantically texting and calling friends and acquaintances,
trying not to break a sweat, when I realized I wouldn't come close to
picking up my kids on time. When I wasn't working, I broke a literal
sweat, since it was my feet dashing to pick up my kids, trying to avoid
the cost of buses if I could just as easily walk (or race walk!).
Today, I asked a fellow parent to help out in my pick up crisis. It was
when I wasn't working that I actually met this fellow parent, and talked to her enough to feel okay asking her for help today.
Today, I worked hard, because for me, that's the right thing to do, and
because I have something to show for it. When I wasn't working, it may
have felt as though I was working hard job hunting, but I rarely had
anything to show for it.
Today, as I raced in the evening dark to bring us all home, I remembered
the days when I wasn't working when I sat and waited at pickup, or ran errands between dropoff and pickup, or sometimes brought us all home by 4, and
before I knew it, dozed off--ever so briefly--on the couch in the
afternoon sunset.
Today, as I tried to make plans so as to avoid future crises, I was
reminded of how dependent I am on the loose, yet complex, structure I
have created, now that I am working. I was reminded of the wobbling. And the sweating.
And of the really supportive pieces and parts--and people--that keep the structure from
falling down around me every single day. Now that I am working.
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