Straddling Worlds

When I was working at ABC, and even at Cosby, there was no real question of who I was. I was a mom who worked. With the exception of the weeks of maternity leave after each of my children was born, I left home just about every weekday morning and returned home each night (sometimes after bedtime). In between, I was at work, comfortable in the knowledge that I was well-paid and fulfilled, and that my children spent their days well cared for and entertained by my longtime sitter (and the bevy of sitters and young friends who spent the days with them).
 
This all changed when I finished at ABC. Suddenly I was home--looking for work, of course, and intending to go right back to being that person, but in the meantime, handling the home front, school pickups, and all things domestic. And while the amount of time that this lasted is minuscule in comparison to the number of years I worked full-time up until then, the experience totally changed my picture of who I am.
 
Before, I couldn't imagine doing anything but going to work in the morning. Now, I remember what it was like to be home in the quiet once everyone was gone. And while I remember how lonely and frustrating some of those days were, sometimes I miss them.
 
Before, I would face weather and health crises by wondering who I would need to call to handle the crises all day while I was at work. Now, I remember what it was like when I could react to things like snow and school bus strikes and sick children by just jumping in myself to handle the crisis.
 
Before, there was no question of whether I should be working. I was making good money to support us, doing work that I enjoyed, and seeing my kids be entertained all day far better than I thought I could accomplish. Now, there is still no question of whether I should be working. The difference is that now, I have seen the other side. So now, when I am working, I am not just that working person I used to be. Each day, I am straddling the worlds of that person and the person I was for that time that I was home. I am back to scrambling to be home on time, but still in the mode of intending to be there for pickups. Back to being just a ship passing other parents in the night (well, evening), but now knowing the other parents well enough to be sad not to have time to talk to them. Back to making sure I have everything with me at 7:30am, because I won't be back till dinner, but some days feeling as though I'd just like to go back to bed once the kids are up and out. Amazing how such a relatively short period of time--a blip, really, in the course of my work life--can so radically change the way things look.
 
And because of that blip, I think that, for better or for worse, I will be straddling worlds for a long time to come.