Fixing It

I am a fixer. If something's wrong, I immediately jump in to explain it or make it better or rationalize why it was a good thing to have happen because of the benefits it will provide going forward.

A fixer is a good thing to be. Being a fixer helped me get through many a day (not all, but many) when I was between jobs, and it has enabled me to teach my kids flexibility and resilience as they navigate through the frustrations of school and life.

The problem, however, is that sometimes, what we need is not fixing, but just listening, not rationalization, but just a hug. Sometimes, it's too soon to think about how the current setback will help us down the road. We just want to survive it in the moment. Yet, the fixer in me barrels on, determined to find the good, determined to keep walking the path.

While I am not encouraging wallowing (I have certainly done enough of that in my life!), I am trying to remind myself that, though every situation may have a "going forward" purpose, sometimes it's okay to wallow before fixing, to lend a shoulder before offering a hand up. Being able to forge on is a great skill, but if we don't also pause, ever so briefly, in the moment (positive or negative), we rob ourselves of the opportunity to grow from it.

I am happy that I can "fix" things, for myself and others, at least sometimes. That I have learned enough to know that most of the time, life goes on, if you let it. Now I just need to make sure to temper the fixing with a dose of compassion. Life may go on, and it may be very productive to forge beyond our stumbling. But sometimes a hug along the way may be what's needed to get to the real fixing.