Back To School

I went back to school today, and I am exhausted.
 
To be fair, I did not actually start taking courses. Rather, I went to school with one child and began investigating new schools for another. I did not have to crack open a book (except for the guide to middle schools). I received some handouts, but did not have to fill in any of them. I did not have to raise my hand to answer a question so that I'd get a good class participation grade, and I didn't have to check my cell phone at the door (as many schools now require). I did not have to stand on a cafeteria line and take a chance on school lunch, and I did not have to worry about whether my outfit would please the "in crowd." I just had to listen, and watch, and try to understand what my kids go through each day.
 
Most days, I go to work, and give it my all, then come home and give that my all too. I am quick to remind my kids how easy they have it--not having to worry about making a living and supporting, and being responsible for, other people. All of those things may be true. It may be that the sum of what I do each day is more significant or time-consuming or brain-absorbing than what they do. Yet, at the end of today, I wasn't quite sure. Of course, we adults worry about money and about helping to mold caring, responsible children, and about doing our jobs well. But if we are lucky, our jobs are in a field that we have at least partly chosen, not in five to eight assorted subjects, some of which we like and understand and some of which completely puzzle us. If we are lucky, the children we are trying to mold have some underlying attachment to us, and we to them, so that the molding, while tricky at times, is a labor of love. And if we are lucky, the worry about money, though it may never let up, doesn't occupy our every waking moment.
 
Today, I saw first hand some of the things my kids have to handle during the myriad hours when they are not with me, and I have to say, I was impressed. They adjust to how different people want them to think. They stay engaged over and over again on a schedule that might have our heads spinning. And they do all of this while they are still in many ways trying to figure out who they are.
 
Today, I went back to school. I leaned a lot, and I had moments of wanting to return to some simpler version of life from my past. Having seen what I've seen, I think I'll just keep trying to support my kids while they handle it, and I'll thank goodness every day that I am where I am.