It is almost a new year, and I am finding myself more at peace with that than I have been in a number of years. I am not living in uncertainty, as I was the year my time at ABC was ending. I am not living in guarded excitement, as I was the year One Life to Live online suddenly became a possibility. I am not living in desperation, as I was when job prospects were looking bleak, or even in uneasy anticipation of going back to long hours of production, as I was when I had worked in the same place for years. This year, I find myself feeling "on vacation" from it all.
Perhaps it is a good moment in my career--working, but not always obsessed, money coming in, even if sometimes not enough, learning each day, but not paranoid about not learning enough. Maybe, however, it is something different--something in me that the last few years have changed. After time spent too caught up in what needed to be done to stop and enjoy what I was doing, maybe things have changed. This year, I feel here when I am here, not five steps toward somewhere else. This year, I feel sensible without feeling over-cautious. I feel forward-thinking without feeling always behind.
Obviously, I am grateful that certain parts of the last few years are behind me, even if they have delivered me to where I am now. But this year, I am just as grateful for for being delivered to a new mindset, one in which I can pause from looking back and ahead, and simply enjoy now. There will be new challenges in the new year, whether that year brings new experiences, or more of the same. But for today, I am just walking in the now. And saving the running to and running from for later.
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