Friday, January 30, 2015

Whose Side Are You On?

When I was a kid, I hated it every time we had to choose teams for a game. Aside from the fear of being "picked last," I couldn't bear the "taking sides." It was one thing if you were on a team and you won--I loved that when I was on the debate team. But when sides had to be chosen, it always seemed hard to know whose side to be on.
 

Flash forward to now, when it seems that the question of choosing sides comes up all too often. Am I on my child's side if I push him to work at something that doesn't come easily or doesn't feel good right away? Am I on the right side if I push supporting the team or support acting how my child feels? Am I on the right side if I look out for everyone else or if I look out for myself? Just as picking teams all those years ago made you try to balance having the best players against not hurting people's feelings, these days, there's a fine line between doing what feels better in the moment (like letting my kids plan their own time) and what I think will be right for the future (like fighting for learning life skills and time management and piano).
 

It's not easy to know which side to be on, and when to "switch sides." (As it is no longer volleyball in gym class, you can actually do that). What seems right in one moment can change quickly, so the key, I guess, is watching the sides. Is the side you're on really doing what's right--in general, or for you? Are you pushing loyalty at the expense of self-preservation?
 

As a parent, I imagine I will always be choosing sides, and defending my choices, to one child or another. And even for myself, the side I'm on can't always stay the same--circumstances change too fast. So perhaps it's nothing like that choosing teams in grade school at all--you can't really choose sides in life, because the rules change too often. The best you can do is look out for your "teammates." And be enough on their side, and your own, to make sure none of you is flattened by the stray volleyball of life.

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