Thursday, April 23, 2015

Take All Of Me. Go Ahead, You Too

I tend to commit fairly fully to things--if I'm there, for that period of time, I'm really there. Whether it's parenting or networking or work, the other pieces often disappear while I focus on one, meaning I come home from work not having made personal business phone calls, and I come home from a little league game having forgotten that I have hours of networking emails to generate. It's not that I can't multitask. I simply find that many of life's situations ask me to give all of myself, at least for a certain period of time, and I'll admit, it sometimes feels really good to give myself completely.

How, though, do we give all of ourselves not once, but over and over, to so many different things? How can we possibly have enough of ourselves to be able to say "Take all of me" to our work, to our families, and to whatever non-work endeavors we choose to pursue? And if we essentially "give away" all, what is left for us when all of the various pieces fall away?

As I walked out of a school counselor's office, having immersed myself in one topic for over an hour, and realized that I had not only a series of emails and phone messages that needed addressing and a whole set of other "things to do" that I hadn't gotten to, and probably wouldn't get to today, I was glad for the feeling of giving my whole self for that hour, but terrified that each piece or hour I give means a piece or hour not used for moving up the work ladder or writing a little more or even cleaning up my apartment. I can say "Take all of me" over and over, and feel good about my sense of commitment, but at the end of the day, there is just one of me, and only a certain number of hours, so "all of me" simply can't be everywhere. Immersion in job will necessarily take me out of the parenting picture sometimes. Immersion in parenting will necessarily take me out of the pursuing ambitions picture sometimes. There is nothing wrong with saying "Take all of me," but "all of me" can't be everywhere all the time. I suppose I just have to hope that sometimes, "some" is enough. That sometimes, "all of me for this hour" is enough. Because you can take all of me. You just have to be willing to share.

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