Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Too Fast, Too Slow, Too Easy, Too Hard

I try to fit a lot of things into what feels like not that many hours. Sometimes, this means that I draft a letter and send it off, spell-checked, but not read and re-read. After all, if I don't get it out quickly, before I get on the treadmill of life, it might not go out at all. But maybe too fast means not good enough, not complete enough, not perfect enough.

I want to make sure I'm taking the right steps, choosing the right paths, doing the right things to get where I'm going. Sometimes, that means that I am too slow to react when an opportunity comes along. I weigh the options too thoroughly, I question my abilities too much. And while I am being too slow, the moment of opportunity passes.

I want things to fit. I want family life to fit with work, I want work to fit my goals, I want to be both here and there. I want it to be easy, or at least doable. But sometimes, easy is boring.

I want to be challenged. I want to feel that I've done things that mattered, even when it was hard. I want it to be hard, as long as it's doable. But sometimes, hard is difficult to manage.

Life would be pretty gray if we didn't go a bit too far or try a bit too hard sometimes. There are times when I realize that going too fast has allowed me to leap into opportunities I wouldn't have taken if I had thought too long. There are times when I realize that taking it slow has kept me from jumping into things that maybe I didn't want to do anyway. I guess all I can hope for is some kind of balance, so that things are not too fast to be right or too slow to be efficient, too easy to be worthwhile or too hard to be manageable. And maybe somewhere in the middle, too much will become just right.

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