First-Guessing

The last few years (by which I generally mean my post-ABC years, which are quickly becoming more than a few years ago) have been full of a lot of second-guessing. Second-guessing the motives of people who didn't hire me--or did, second-guessing the thoughts of people who heard my story and my ever-changing elevator pitch, and (perhaps most of all) second-guessing myself, as I tried to figure out who I was now and what I could do.

Yet, every so often in the process, I have had moments when the second-guessing fell away. When an opportunity felt so right that I just went for it, or when a person seemed so interesting that I didn't care what she thought of me, or when I actually felt as though I knew where I was going. Suddenly, instead of second-guessing, I have found myself, shall we call it, "first-guessing." Forging ahead without looking back, acting before asking way too many questions or allowing in way too many doubts.

Have all my "first-guessing" moments netted success and accomplishment? Nope. Have all my "first-guessing" moments led to clear paths and an ongoing "I get it now" feeling? Absolutely not. But the "first-guessing" moments have given me a bit of clarity. They have re-upped my confidence when it was flagging. And they have led me to a better understanding of who I am and where I'm meant to be (even if I won't be that person in that place for a while).

We spend a lot of time second-guessing ourselves and almost everyone and everything around us. But when, every so often, we can listen to our "first-guessing," we have the opportunity to learn a little more, and do a little more. We have the opportunity to become not just the product of what has happened to us, but the product of what we make happen for ourselves. When we let go of the second-guessing, we have the chance to put ourselves, and what really matters to us, first.