Monday, July 11, 2016

I'm Going

It was mid-morning--past breakfast and before lunch, up for hours, but nowhere near getting the day moving. I waited for progress, for a sign of how the day would go, and what we all might do. And when I was tired of waiting, I said "I'm going to the gym."

Now, such a pronouncement is not a big deal for many people or, perhaps, in most households. For me, however, regular gym attendance comes and goes, and in the times when it comes, it happens "under the radar"--in the early morning, when the house is asleep, or in the middle of a weekday, when everyone is out. There is no asking, or announcing, because there is no need to ask and no one present to whom I would announce. So, today, as the words "I'm going to the gym" came out of my mouth, they felt strange, oddly new, and a little earth-shattering. It's not that anyone blinked really. After, perhaps, a brief pause, they went back to their screens, and I walked out. It was, I imagine, monumental only to me. And when I returned, close to an hour later, the world hadn't shifted. We went on with our day, as we would have, whether I'd gone or not. Nothing had changed. And yet, everything had changed. I hadn't asked, I had stated. I took the time that might have gone to other things or other people, and used it for myself. I grabbed time that was not "under the radar," but right out in the open. And when I came back, I think I was walking (and not just because of the elliptical) just a little differently.

Sometimes, it is on us not to ask. Sometimes, it is up to us to say "I'm going," no matter where it is that we are going. Sometimes, that's the only way to get anywhere.

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