Rewriting History

I've been thinking quite often this summer about this time last summer, when all three of my kids were at camp near their grandparents' house, and I spent my days completely consumed with either pursuing job leads or trying to become a children's author, or reorganizing an unorganizable kids' room.  From Sunday evening to Friday afternoon, I rarely left home, convinced as I was that even just walking out the door seemed to cost money. We never much did any of the things that parents do when they have the luxury of a few child-free weeks. It was all I could do just to get through the long, discouraging days and still have a smile by the time my husband finished work. So our luxury came and went, and before we knew it, the kids were back and a school year began. And the job hunt was still there.

If the same thing were to happen again, how would I handle it? Would the experience have taught me anything?

The blessing and curse of our being human, I fear, is our ability to put things behind us, to rewrite history enough that we can live with it. A blessing, because we don't have to walk around with our past difficulties following us every minute, a curse because we forget just enough to be at risk for repeating our mistakes.

I am grateful, enormously grateful, that the pattern of this summer is different from that of a year ago. I can, and have to, leave the house. I attempt to reorganize, but not for eight hours a day. I have at least a little of the mindset and the money to try to enjoy the luxury of a loose summer. And I am hopeful that the combination of last year's experience and this year's will serve me well going forward, will remind me that job-hunting is not just about checking search sites any more than being a good partner is just about making the money to pay the bills.

So how am I handling the history from last summer? I never forget that it can be a cold world out there (and not the cold of good air conditioning!). With any luck, I've also learned how to stay warm in that cold world, so that next time, I'll be ready to write some brand new history.