Both Sides Now

There are some Mondays when the 5am alarm calling me to the 7am train is just painful. Realistically, the 5am would exist no matter what. Kids have to be awakened, breakfasts and lunches have to be made. The only difference is that, for the better part of a year, I could finish doing all these things and then, when necessary, come home and take a nap. Or sit zombie-like in front of one too many job websites. Now I am "on," from 5am until who knows what hour, and some days, that's just not easy.
 
What strikes me as somewhat interesting is that for close to 20 years, I did basically the same thing. Perhaps I didn't leave so early, and perhaps I didn't travel so far, but I worked steadily, every day, many hours, no naps. So, nothing has changed, right?
 
The difference is that now I have seen the other side. Unemployment was certainly no picnic, but it gave me the view from home that I'd never had before. It opened my eyes to free time to think, wandering in my own neighborhood, and naps. I had never missed any of these things because I had never even known they existed. And now that I am without them, it's not that I'd want to go back to unemployed. It's just that I remember some of the good moments. And I sometimes feel worn out from so many hours of "on."
 
But that's how life is, I guess. We can't miss what we never knew, and in chasing new challenges, we also leave behind the pieces that don't fit with these challenges.
 
I'll be back at 5am tomorrow, "on" for all the hours, and glad to be, even if I know the flip side exists. Because truthfully, even when you know that there's more, it's okay to pick the part you knew before, even when it means giving up the nap. And even when you've looked at life from both sides now.