"In Control"

I have seen the The Muppets multiple times, and while many of the songs play in my head when I think about the movie, it is one of the non-musical parts that I was thinking about today. The wacky, wild drummer character Animal is in group therapy, and when he starts to get wild, he is called out and he calmly responds "In Control." It is sweet and a little sad all at the same time. On the one hand, he is learning to manage his emotions. On the other hand, he is being forced to give up his drums and his all-out enthusiasm. So I'm not really sure how exactly I feel about it.

I thought about Animal today because I realized that there are so many situations in which we are not asked, not even allowed, to be "in control." I'm not talking about being the boss, I'm simply referring to having some sort of a say in how we work and how we live. We can go to work with a plan of what we want to accomplish, but we are not always in control of whether that plan will be interrupted. We can be in control enough to say that our children need to go to the doctor, but completely NOT in control of the doctor's diagnosis. And being "out of control"--not wild and crazy, just not able to call the shots--is a very hard place to be.

Though I have spearheaded many a project, I'm not necessarily looking to be "in control" in the "in charge" kind of a sense. That said, an AD is, by nature, eager to control the pace and rhythm of a day, whether by choosing how to accomplish tasks or by choosing an order for them. So, while I embrace my "inner Animal," trying to maintain some degree of individualism in a put-you-in-a-box world, I find that I also need the "in control" part of Animal's Muppets world. I need at least the illusion that I can control my work day. I need at least the illusion that though I can't protect my children from everything, I can at least process the facts and make informed, "in control" decisions for them.

And then I have to hope that, when the illusion part is all I get, I can make do with only sort of "in control."