When I was between jobs, I did a great deal of feeling. Which is not to say I didn't think a lot too--about how to rework my resume, how to learn new computer programs, how to coordinate my children's schedules and activities when I was sitter-free. But I had a lot of time to feel as well. Feel sad, feel frustrated, feel angry, feel discouraged. And once in a while, when I was enjoying my family or returning from a good job interview, I would feel elated.
Working, however, means a lot more thinking than feeling. While in my line of work, there is an element of feeling to make the most sensitive edits and tell the most compelling stories, a working person is generally expected to think through solutions, work out logistics, and leave emotions at home. So, this last week, the thinking has largely obliterated the feeling. When we sit down to family dinner these days (yes, we try for that daily), the discussion quickly turns less to how we feel and more to how we will get all of our daily jobs done.
There's nothing wrong with thinking. In fact, the mental gymnastics are kind of a welcome relief from any number of feelings I've had over the last year. But not wearing my heart on my sleeve creates a completely new vibe at home, and a new vibe for writing this blog. I have to dig deeper for the real emotions. They're there, just sometimes a little harder to find.
So, despite the new writing challenge, I'll be embracing some of the thinking for now. It makes things a little trickier. But it feels pretty darn good.
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