Monthly

I bought a monthly train pass this morning. Okay, I know that sounds like the start of a "too much information" kind of blog, but for me, it was about more than just the standing on line on the first of the month or the looking to save a few bucks. Buying the monthly pass was an announcement to myself (and, I suppose, to Metro-North) that I will be doing this job, and therefore, traveling to this job, every day. At least for the month of April.
 
I have spent the last year both looking for full time work and trying to negotiate the networking life of a freelancer. And, while, over that year, I made interesting new contacts all over, I accomplished neither a full time job nor a full slate of freelance gigs. And along the way, the trust in anything that would be permanent enough to warrant committing to a monthly pass kind of evaporated. This current endeavor may not be permanent, but it is certainly closer to that than I have come in quite some time. So, while I am being careful not to lose the contacts I have made all year or lose the "eyes and ears open" mentality, I am becoming more able each day to believe that I can actually make plans, believe that I can actually buy monthly train tickets.
 
The first morning two weeks ago when I made the early morning walk to the subway to start my trip to Connecticut, it was middle of the night dark, and this morning, at the same clock time, it was already mostly light. Things clearly change every day, so I might never buy that monthly pass again. But for the moment, it will mean one less step in my daily journey, a few more dollars in my pocket (if I've calculated the probabilities right), and a dose of faith that, at least for this month, I can count on something.
 
As of tonight, two train rides down. And a whole month of them left to go.